Models of Nonverbal Effectiveness
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Wolran Kim
June 2011
The first person who came to mind as a model of nonverbal effective communicator is Mrs. Kwon, the pastor's wife at my old church. I have no chance to see her anymore because her husband moved the church to Korea. But her appearance which I have seen nearly ten years was consistently heroic as a pastor's aide and also the leader of the flock. A representation of the heroine came from her nonverbal communication such as her acting and sharp eyes, not her looks or physique. Her words and actions always had temperance, and she tried to be neutral because she knew too well the advantages and disadvantages of church community. She was dressed so simply with sober colors. But she never looked vulgar or shabby even though there were no signs of being spruced up as a woman. Excessive adornment is harmful rather than virtuous such as fussing of empty cans (Korean idiom similar to “tinkling brass”). She never put on her makeup but always had a dignified attitude and sincereness.
No matter how eloquent a communicator she was, her communication would be ineffective if her behavior or attitude did not give support to her talk. People’s comments about her were always positive and complimentary. She took seniors to the hospital regularly and took care of alienated people quietly. Her nickname was 'Encyclopedia', so her varieties of common sense dragged people who had troubles into her arms. She had the ability to see eye to eye with them. She never had a haughty attitude when she gave all answers, and she never over-used sympathy when she consoled people. Her eye contact and skin-ship (Korean slang for physical contact) made people feel friendship and peace. She was never against people or raised her voice no matter what happened.
Everybody lives in their own Tower of Babel they built up. Everyone has different ways to recognize even the same phenomenon. The place of communication is always unpredictable; however, the powerful communication skills always are effective. Nonverbal behavior always has communicative value. According to linguist A. Mehrabian, linguistic elements are only 7%, the voice is 38%, and non-verbal elements accounted for 55% in communication. Faces, attire, attitude, courtesy, smile, eye movements, clapping, voice dynamics, and intonation have much greater effects rather than verbal communication. We determine emotional ups and downs do not by direct language, but by nonverbal communication, but nonverbal behavior is ambiguous and influenced by the cultural.
I often see that nonverbal communication has greater ability than talking. Eyes are more eloquent than lips. I decide contents or subject according to a companion's facial expression. But bias or prejudice can misread non-verbal communication as a negative impact. If someone never makes eye contact, I can read that as ignoring. So, I feel that I need to avoid negative feeling about non-verbal communications. Polite and respectful non-verbal behavior cannot be learned quickly as basic manners. This skill and training is necessary to me because I am impatient and have a bad temper.