Love Note, 19 April, 2002 / Baek Hyojeen(Andoh Jeen)
Kei, I was sorry when I left your room without saying a goodbye the other day. I wondered a long time about the dark park and, finally walked along an avenue. I vaguely remembered having been there before. I sat on a bench, stayed quiet, as I gazed upon Hakata harbor. I leaned forward and saw the doves rising up far ahead. I longed to go near your home and call you to come and see me, or to go to see you myself. Neither the first, nor the second, nor the third courses were possible. I was in a state of irresolution as I had been there. Anyway I was not forced to consider what I was doing. I felt a little tight in the chest and needed breathing space. I left the avenue. I went back to office while I’d interrupted. Nothing had gone wrong but something lacked in my mind. I took a deep breath and wondered. I kept thinking of your name. I wanted to write you a note with my 2B drawing pencil.
‘Kei, I can no longer hesitate in being with you. I forbid you to laugh at this. I was walled inside a dream. The dream emptied out. No more dream. Yes, reality is real. I want to love knowing that I’m loving. I tell you, whenever my mind is tottering all the tumult is soothed to a whisper by you, thinking nothing but that I love you. I love you 'cause I am natural, and you are. Love is an equivocal word. Sometimes I think Love is not a word. Maybe love begins in the body. I am lost on a plain with you in my head. No matter. Let's go on. Let me be carried by this note toward you. I am where you were. I would never ask you to be the stillness of this place. I am in my footsteps which cast a shadow. Am I nothing but the shadow in your wake if we are happy?’
19 April, 2002
