Gender Differences in Conversational Styles
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Wolran Kim
October 2013
Men and women live in different worlds, and the worlds of boys and girls are different as well. Girls talk with eye contact and face each other while boys talk without any eye contact, sitting side by side. Curiously, all different age groups of five, ten, and fifteen year olds are exactly the same regarding the difference between boys and girls. Girls keep their relationships by talking and sharing each other’s secrets, while boys form their friendships and a sense of royalty mostly by engaging in the same activities.
The way of conversation also has differences between boys and girls; boys have competitive dialogue while girls have cooperative talks. There is a cute example of boys’ competitive talks: one boy says his family stayed for four days at Disneyland, and the other boy says his family stayed five days. The third boy says that his family is going to move to Disneyland. How cute the competition of boys is! Of course, the third boy won by lying. They want to top each other in every step of conversation. As a result, girls acquire friendship through talking and direct gestures, and boys do not have sympathetic conversation directly. Boys look as if they are in their own world individually, and have dialogues to maintain their status competitively.
Tannen says that “identifying and describing systematic differences in men’s and women’s conversational styles is important” for the sense of control of life. A difference between the worlds of male and female appears through their way of conversation, and understanding of the differences is the basis of harmony and unity. The combination of men and women is the base of human society such as home, friends, and school, which connects human populations. Conversation is the most important means of human connections. The conversation between opposite sexes often causes misunderstanding and unhappiness.
Men’s conversation is mostly informative, public, the way of solving problems, control, and the means of domination. They emphasis is competition and dominance in their discourse, and they do not think about the necessity of conversation without any solution. Conversely, women talk informally, and they talk to maintain personal relationships and to get emotional empathy. They make friends through conversation and emphasize intimacy and equality. They also talk to understand each other, not to solve problems. Knowing the difference between men and women will increase the understanding for each other. Further, in the words of Tannen, it will improve the quality of life.
I was interested in the story about the male driver and his spouse. The woman asked “Aren‘t you thirsty?” and the man answered “No, I‘m fine,” and keeps driving and that starts an argument. The wife complains to him that he never understands what she means. The husband tells her that she never told him that she was thirsty. This little argument could develop into distrust and trouble between a husband and wife. Unfortunately, this conversation is a typical conversation between men and women. Also interestingly, the husband‘s answer has no problem as a literal response at all.
Obviously, the woman asked whether the man is thirsty, and the man answered clearly, no. But the woman‘s real question was, “I am thirsty, what about you?” Then, the man should have dropped by the gas station to get a drink for his wife. If so, why did the woman not just say or ask for her needs to the man? Why do women talk in a roundabout way and just always drop a hint instead of talking directly? I do not know because I do that also. (I often feel that I am being bad if I say my needs directly.)
If the same story happened between two women, it would be a completely different story. From the question of “Aren’t you thirsty?” the female driver would go straight to the gas station and get a drink. Men talk in direct conversation and women in indirect conversation. Tannen's conclusions clearly point out the differences between men and women in their habit of conversation.
============================================
Wolran Kim
October 2013
Men and women live in different worlds, and the worlds of boys and girls are different as well. Girls talk with eye contact and face each other while boys talk without any eye contact, sitting side by side. Curiously, all different age groups of five, ten, and fifteen year olds are exactly the same regarding the difference between boys and girls. Girls keep their relationships by talking and sharing each other’s secrets, while boys form their friendships and a sense of royalty mostly by engaging in the same activities.
The way of conversation also has differences between boys and girls; boys have competitive dialogue while girls have cooperative talks. There is a cute example of boys’ competitive talks: one boy says his family stayed for four days at Disneyland, and the other boy says his family stayed five days. The third boy says that his family is going to move to Disneyland. How cute the competition of boys is! Of course, the third boy won by lying. They want to top each other in every step of conversation. As a result, girls acquire friendship through talking and direct gestures, and boys do not have sympathetic conversation directly. Boys look as if they are in their own world individually, and have dialogues to maintain their status competitively.
Tannen says that “identifying and describing systematic differences in men’s and women’s conversational styles is important” for the sense of control of life. A difference between the worlds of male and female appears through their way of conversation, and understanding of the differences is the basis of harmony and unity. The combination of men and women is the base of human society such as home, friends, and school, which connects human populations. Conversation is the most important means of human connections. The conversation between opposite sexes often causes misunderstanding and unhappiness.
Men’s conversation is mostly informative, public, the way of solving problems, control, and the means of domination. They emphasis is competition and dominance in their discourse, and they do not think about the necessity of conversation without any solution. Conversely, women talk informally, and they talk to maintain personal relationships and to get emotional empathy. They make friends through conversation and emphasize intimacy and equality. They also talk to understand each other, not to solve problems. Knowing the difference between men and women will increase the understanding for each other. Further, in the words of Tannen, it will improve the quality of life.
I was interested in the story about the male driver and his spouse. The woman asked “Aren‘t you thirsty?” and the man answered “No, I‘m fine,” and keeps driving and that starts an argument. The wife complains to him that he never understands what she means. The husband tells her that she never told him that she was thirsty. This little argument could develop into distrust and trouble between a husband and wife. Unfortunately, this conversation is a typical conversation between men and women. Also interestingly, the husband‘s answer has no problem as a literal response at all.
Obviously, the woman asked whether the man is thirsty, and the man answered clearly, no. But the woman‘s real question was, “I am thirsty, what about you?” Then, the man should have dropped by the gas station to get a drink for his wife. If so, why did the woman not just say or ask for her needs to the man? Why do women talk in a roundabout way and just always drop a hint instead of talking directly? I do not know because I do that also. (I often feel that I am being bad if I say my needs directly.)
If the same story happened between two women, it would be a completely different story. From the question of “Aren’t you thirsty?” the female driver would go straight to the gas station and get a drink. Men talk in direct conversation and women in indirect conversation. Tannen's conclusions clearly point out the differences between men and women in their habit of conversation.
