Simulation of Disability
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Wolran Kim
Jan. 2012


An opportunity in which I can choose my fate for 48 hours came to me. This was a fresh experience I have never had before, but my mind was troubled because I had to choose something that would not be a significant obstacle to my daily work. Therefore, something that needs special equipment or an adaptation period was excluded from the selection list. This was a foul paradox. I chose to be mute and deaf. These disorders were familiar to me since I came to the United States and even until now, are familiar as a speech impediment.

I wore ear plugs and attached a little bit of scotch tape on my lips from Friday morning to Sunday morning—I had no class during this time—so as not to forget that I cannot hear and talk. It was funny that I could not hear my husband’s snoring. I also realized that my eyes became smarter from losing my hearing, and I turned my head whenever I expected some sound. I heard sound through my eyes. My husband often lost his temper every time he had to talk behind me, so he hit my shoulder or pulled my hair. And he confirmed with me a few times that I should not do this game for the whole semester for a good grade. He also replaced all phone calls to text messages.

My personality consists of anxious, silent moods, so I always turn music on whenever I read or write. But during this simulation time, I could not hear any music and I often felt uneasy. I used a notepad and body language to communicate. My husband said that the one really good thing about this was that he did not have to hear my nagging. I sent text messages or ran downstairs to my son who always stays in the basement when I needed to talk to him. I could not hear the upbeat sound of bowling pins and I had to check the monitor to confirm my score when I went bowling. In the movie theater, I could hear all the loud sounds and shouting even though I was wearing ear plugs, but I could not hear all of the conversations.

In the movie, “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close,” Oscar’s grandfather was deaf so I was happy whenever he wrote his words on his notepad. I could see even more detail of the screen without sound, and I thought that it would be great if every movie had subtitles. When I went to Wal-Mart, I felt sorry because I could not answer when the cashier said “Hi.” I just gave a slight nod to her when she asked if I found everything I was looking for. I had to walk in to order rather than using the drive-thru when I went to Apollo Burger, and that agitated me for a moment because it was pouring rain.

I waited until the answering machine picked up whenever calls came, and I watched TV on mute. CNN news was possible to check on the Internet every time I wanted to see, but I wished that all TV programs had subtitles for deaf people, just like the movie theater. Hearing and speaking disabilities are not realized by the eye. So, it was not necessary for me to tell anyone about my disability unless I needed something from somebody. I had much more thoughts than when I could talk, and I talked to myself more.
This was great for writing my poetry, and I also had special lessons that I should talk after thinking a couple more seconds because I have had regrets many times after bickering.

According to the textbook, a disability is a result from a loss of physical functioning or from difficulty in learning and social adjustment that significantly interferes with typical growth and development, and a handicap is a limitation imposed on the individual by the demands in the environment and is related to the individual’s ability to adapt or adjust to those demands. I mixed these two words up a lot and just thought that a handicap has a more negative connotation than a disability. Now I know the difference that a personal disability can become a handicap when it relates to the environment or social relations.

It is very different between just thinking about disabilities and actually experiencing them in reality. I felt more acutely aware about disabilities. Human beings are animals who have amazing abilities to adapt to any environment. There are so many people with disabilities, who have good careers and achieve their dreams even more so than people without disabilities. The words from Greg Smith’s documentary in our previous class were really inspiring to me, “Disability is a beautiful part of diversity of human life.”