1947년 몇몇 핵원자력 과학자들의 추측으로 시작된 지구 종말의 시계가 현재  90초를 가리킨다고 한다. 매년 1월에 측정된다는 이 뉴스를 어제 접하면서 실현성 여부를 떠나 문득 지금 나의 지표가 어느 위치에 있나를 돌아보았다.

   얼마전까지도 나이를 먹을만큼 먹어서 인생을 알만큼 안다고 생각했는데… 육체적인 삶이 하루하루 더 힘들어지다 보니 삶을 바라보는 시각이 큰 곡선으로 오르락 내리락한다. 가면 갈수록 배울 것이 더 많은 인생의 길에서 이게 뭐지? 하며 떠오르는 ?들에 대해 두렵기도 하지만 한편은 정신적/영적인 또 다른 일깨움으로 새롭고 신기함마저 느껴진다.

   문득 몇 년 전에 있었던 5살난 손녀의 가르침이 생각난다. 할아버지 생일이 다가오자 이제 막 5살난 애나가 양쪽 할아버지들에게 보내겠다고 카드를 만들었다. 그런데 그 카드의 그림이 하두 희한하고 예외적이어서 엄마인 딸애가 애나에게 물었다. “이게 뭐니 애나야?” 애나의 대답은 딸애가 의아해했던 것 그대로였다. “응, 이거 콤파스(나침판)야”. “아니 근데 왜 할아버지 생일카드에 콤파스를 그렸니?” 어리둥절한 딸애가 다시 물었다. “응. 할아버지들이 늙었으니 이제는 이 콤파스에 맞춰 어느 한쪽 방향으로 목표를 세워 나가며 살아야 할 시기라서…” “어어어어어, 아니, 너는 5살 아가가 어떻게 그런 생각을 하니?” 딸애는 너무도 기상천외한 애나의 답변에 놀라 말을 잊지 못했다. 일반 어른들도 잘 생각하지 못하는 애나의 발상에 엄마 아빠는 물론 우리모두가 뭐 이런 애가 다 있지? 하며 어안이 벙벙할 뿐이었다.

   그렇다. 날이면 날마다 육체적, 영적/ 심리적인 도전이 확대되어 가는 이 인생길… 어느것이 정말 맞는건지 선택하기가 힘들어지는 이 마당에 애나의 콤파스 그림을 보며 지혜를 찾으려 애써 본다.

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The doomsday clock indicates 90 seconds to the end of the world in according to the Internet news of yesterday. It was created in 1947 in Chicago by a group of Atomic scientists and is measured in January every year. Regardless it’s feasibility/ reliability, brought me to the point where not to speculate but to introspect my life.

I now feel my age and getting feebler day by day that startles me and divulges where I really stand now exponentially. Suddenly, it reminded me of one of my birthday cards made by Anna, my granddaughter. She was five then when one day, she decided to make her own birthday cards for both grandpas. My daughter, her mom was puzzled by seeing the unusual picture designed by Anna. “What is that Anna?”. “It’s a compass”, the young girl answered. “Oh, I see. But what made you draw a compass on grandpas’ birthday cards?”, her mom questioned with full of curiosity. “They are now old. They should focus at the right direction in which way they should ahead for the rest of their lives”, Anna answered unaffectedly. “Uhhhhhh…” Her mom was totally taken aback and speechless by Anna’s answer which was utterly unexpected and unprepared. “How on earth! What made you think like that Anna??? You’re only a five year girl!”. It is not that kind of notion one usually comes across even from an adult but a kid. Not only her mom and dad but were we all wondered what kind of child she was.

Yes, I thought I had known and understood what a life was all about until recently which was very wrong of me. When ageing, something new comes along from another level of angle that teaches me and changes my view differently. I must admit that the life is far more sophisticated than I have perceived for all along. It’s a constant challenge that affects the way I am steering ahead spiritually and psychologically. And it is a paramount task to choose the right direction to go to.

Nevertheless, some questions beyond my comprehension give me a fright but certain degree of curiosity, excitement together with the core of hope. All in all I can only try to find the right approach from the position on the compass Anna produced some year ago.