ANGER MANAGEMENT
Wolran Kim
Persuasive Writing
=======================================================================================
“Happiness is the whole aim and end of human existence,” Aristotle, Greece philosopher said. Where is happiness? It is not a long way off. Right now, right this moment, it might be in our minds. Are people working, studying, and specializing for wealth, reputation, and high scholarship, and for tomorrow's happiness? Is happiness merely a dream in the future if our today is miserable for tomorrow's happiness? Are people happy if they acquire wealth, reputation, and high scholarship? If so, then how can we explain the suicide and infelicity of those in such positions? I think there is no provision at the starting point of true happiness from the heart. Happiness is joys of life with no strings attached in any condition. Wealth, reputation, and high scholarship are only the cravings for achievement which people think are a short cut to happiness.
Then, now, what do we need to be happy? Gratification and joy of life from the bottom of the heart. We can't be joyous, even for a moment, if anger is in our minds. If so, what is anger? As numerous theoretical studies and positive research about anger management report, joy, anger, sadness, and fear are the main emotions of a human. There is no way that sadness, anger, and fear can lead to happiness. That's why people who can control anger can manage their lives. We must have a correct understanding of the fact that anger is our choice. The anger that we have chosen is killing our body and spirit so we have to control it before such emotion increases. We have to catch hold of the cause of daily repeated anger and classify the situation as either under control or not. We can enjoy our lives and this moment's happiness fully, not tomorrow's happiness, when we master a skill, a method, of controlling anger by having good sense.
Anger is our enemy. We can win only when we know exactly who is the enemy. Let's debunk anger's identity to lead to happy life, by moving beyond the anger. What is anger? Anger is a normal human emotion or feeling. It is neither good nor bad. Everyone experiences anger, although not always in the same way. How people manage their anger can make the emotion either useful or harmful. Anger can range from annoyance to full-blown rage. Feeling angry involves both the body and the mind. Physical change prepares the body to act. The mind decides how the person will respond. Factors that influence how much anger affects a person include sex, race, cultural background, family background, self-esteem, and age. Even in the Bible, the first misery of human history is driven by Cain's jealousy when he got angry at his brother, Abel. There is no difference now, almost prisoners' criminal background is their anger. Many firearm accidents and events which occupy headline of news are caused by failing criminals anger management.
A second factor is anger styles. People manage anger using one of three main styles and some people use a combination of styles. People with passive anger hold anger in. These people may believe that anger is a sign of weakness and think that polite, sensible people do not get angry. They may fear that showing anger will cause others to reject them and want to avoid conflict. A passive anger style keeps the peace, but at great personal cost. This can lead to loss of self-esteem, poor relationships, and long-term health problems. The next style, people with aggressive anger, overreact to anger. They may yell, slam doors, break objects, and name-call. They may even shove, pinch, bite, and hit, so they may become enraged easily. Aggressive anger usually comes and goes quickly, but does not solve problems. This can lead to loss of respect from others, broken relationships, and long-term health problems. The last style, people with assertive anger, express anger without hurting themselves or others. They assert, or stick up for, themselves without putting the other person on the defensive. They explain why they are angry, and they try to understand the other person's point of view. They attempt to use anger to solve problems. Which way is yours, and which way do you want to be used? There is the person who always get mad because of some reason and there is the person who never gets angry even when there is some reason to get mad.
A third factor is anger triggers. Anger triggers are events or situations that set off anger and vary from person to person. Types of anger triggers include physical or emotional hurts, frustrations, injustices, and annoyances. Examples of physical hurts include getting hit, slapped, poked, grabbed, shoved, or kicked. Examples of emotional hurts include insults, name-calling, teasing, put-downs, and rejection. Frustrations occur when you can't reach a goal or do something the way you want and other people may oppose your efforts. An injustice is an act or situation that is unfair or that threatens someone's rights. Annoyances are the everyday things that can upset you. Anger triggers provoke uncomfortable feelings such as powerlessness and fear. One of the best ways to control anger is to change negative and irrational, or unreasonable, thinking. Others are avoiding the trigger, planning ahead, finding alternative solutions, changing the timing, and learning to ignore the trigger. Thinking about why something triggers your anger is helpful. Not everyone gets upset about the same things, and it may become different even when you count for only thirty seconds.
A forth factor is putting out the fire. Several methods can be used to keep feelings under control. One important method is to admit your anger. Both the body and mind send signals warning of anger; a pounding heart, tight muscles, burning cheeks, a nervous stomach, or loud voice. It also is important to calm down before saying or doing anything. Breathe in deeply, count numbers, or do an activity that will make you less tense; exercising, listening to music, or cleaning your room can help you release anger in a physical, nonviolent way. Acting in the heat of anger can lead you to hurt or embarrass yourself or others. Techniques to relax and activities to make you less tense can reduce anger, and it is easier to deal with a problem when you are calm. Good communication skills are needed to solve problems. Solving the problem often involves talking with another person.
A fifth factor is talking it out. Talking about anger arising from relationships with family members, friends, and classmates can help solve the problem. Successful communication requires thought and skill. Instead of focusing on placing blame, work on solutions for the future. Helpful techniques include statements, active listening, and paying attention to body language. Your body language and tone of voice should convey respect for the other person. Stick to the issue and avoid overgeneralization. Mediators can help in some conflicts and talking with a trusted adult also can help. A third party who is not involved a parent, counselor, teacher, spiritual adviser, or other trusted adult, can be a good advisers.
A sixth factor is adding fuel to the fire. Good health habits are part of anger management. People who feel good physically and mentally can handle problems better than people who are tired and stressed. Stress and mood-altering substances make people more likely to have angry feelings and thoughts. Reducing stress helps control anger. People might use tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs to control or deny their anger. These substances often make angry feelings worse because their effect is only temporary and the drugs have the opposite effect after the desired effect is gone. Alcohol and street drugs also can provoke angry responses.
Seventh, it is bringing in the bomb squad. Some people's anger goes beyond normal. It continues for a long time and is felt deeply, and usually it is destructive. Some people with out-of-control anger turn anger inward and they become withdrawn, hopeless, and despairing. Other people with out-of-control anger turn their anger outward and they are likely to destroy property or threaten others. Causes of excessive, chronic anger include physical and emotional abuse, a traumatic experience, and physical or emotional illness. Teens with out-of-control anger may withdraw, act out, or seem agitated. People who can no longer manage their anger need the help of mental health professionals. Anger management is not get accomplished in a day. It required practice with much time and mistakes as learning a new sport. But we should never give up because the anger killing us gradually.
♣ The seven truths about the anger ♣
[1] The people who get angry easily will be discharged and quit their job easily too. Also they have a tendency to change from job to job.
[2] The kids who get angry easily will give up their studies, and it will be hard to succeed as a result.
[3] The people who feel anger intensely have 65% higher rate to smoking compared to people who don't.
[4] Girl students who can not express their anger properly have a tendency toward obesity, according to research of the University of Texas.
[5] The people who feel anger intensely have three times higher probability of suffering a heart attack and stricture of the heart.
[6] The people who feel anger intensely have two times higher probability of stroke.
[7] 67% of the people who seldom get angry wake up in the morning in a pleasant mood. but on the other hand only 33% of the people who often get angry wake up in the morning in a pleasant mood.
Do you want to be a slave of anger, or do you want to be a king controlling anger? You have the right to be happy every moment by identifying and controlling the anger which blocks the way to happiness.
[Reference]
* Peacock, J. (2000). Anger Management, Capstone Press.
* Cox, D., Bruckner, K. H., & Stabb, S. (2003). The Anger Advantage. Broadway Books Press.
* Peurifoy, R. Z. (1999). Anger Taming The Beast. Kodansha America, Inc. Press.
* 전겸구 (2007) 똑똑하게 화를 다스리는 법. 21세기북스.
:Juhn, Kyumkoo. (2007) A Method of Control Anger Smartly. 21 Century Books Press in Korea.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wolran Kim, Speech Material, Apr 2010
Anger Beliefs Quiz
Reference: Cox, D., Bruckner, K. H., & Stabb, S. (2003). The Anger Advantage. (pp.12-13) Broadway Books Press
Rate each of the following statements as to how true it is for YOU.
(1=rarely true; 5=almost always true)
1. Anger is basically under sirable. 1 2 3 4 5
2. Anger leads to harmful or criminal behaviors. 1 2 3 4 5
3. Anger compromises my well-being. 1 2 3 4 5
4. Anger usually hurts someone. 1 2 3 4 5
5. If you let it out, anger typically leads to more anger. 1 2 3 4 5
6. There is no good way to show anger to someone else. 1 2 3 4 5
7. There is probably something wrong with a person who gets angry very often. 1 2 3 4 5
8. Getting angry keeps others from taking you seriously. 1 2 3 4 5
9. Getting angry makes you look unattractive. 1 2 3 4 5
10. Getting angry ruins relationships. 1 2 3 4 5
11. It is usually best to avoid others who appear angry. 1 2 3 4 5
12. Holding in your anger makes for better relationships in the long run. 1 2 3 4 5
13. If you're angry quite a bit, it's likely that you have an emotional problem. 1 2 3 4 5
14. Anger should be avoided. 1 2 3 4 5
15. It's better to stifle your anger than to disrupt things. 1 2 3 4 5
16. Anger can be avoided if you work at it. 1 2 3 4 5
17. Getting angry and speaking your mind is unfeminine. 1 2 3 4 5
18. Showing anger means you are weak. 1 2 3 4 5
19. Anger makes a person think less clearly. 1 2 3 4 5
20. If you get angry, you just end up sabotaging yourself in the end. 1 2 3 4 5
21. You can't be all that helpful to anyone when you are angry. 1 2 3 4 5
22. Thinking is a better way to make decisions than feeling. 1 2 3 4 5
--------------------------------------------------------
SCORES : Total your responses by adding scores for 1 through 22.
22-44 : You have a fairly realistic view of anger most of the time and express it in heathy ways.
45-87 : You're uncertain about anger, seeing both some positives and some negatives. You're in a good position to question or explore anger dynamics and myths to make room for a more productive style.
88-110 : You believe many unfortunate societal myths about anger. You would probably benefit from an intensive look at anger's potential benefits in your life.
Wolran Kim
Persuasive Writing
=======================================================================================
“Happiness is the whole aim and end of human existence,” Aristotle, Greece philosopher said. Where is happiness? It is not a long way off. Right now, right this moment, it might be in our minds. Are people working, studying, and specializing for wealth, reputation, and high scholarship, and for tomorrow's happiness? Is happiness merely a dream in the future if our today is miserable for tomorrow's happiness? Are people happy if they acquire wealth, reputation, and high scholarship? If so, then how can we explain the suicide and infelicity of those in such positions? I think there is no provision at the starting point of true happiness from the heart. Happiness is joys of life with no strings attached in any condition. Wealth, reputation, and high scholarship are only the cravings for achievement which people think are a short cut to happiness.
Then, now, what do we need to be happy? Gratification and joy of life from the bottom of the heart. We can't be joyous, even for a moment, if anger is in our minds. If so, what is anger? As numerous theoretical studies and positive research about anger management report, joy, anger, sadness, and fear are the main emotions of a human. There is no way that sadness, anger, and fear can lead to happiness. That's why people who can control anger can manage their lives. We must have a correct understanding of the fact that anger is our choice. The anger that we have chosen is killing our body and spirit so we have to control it before such emotion increases. We have to catch hold of the cause of daily repeated anger and classify the situation as either under control or not. We can enjoy our lives and this moment's happiness fully, not tomorrow's happiness, when we master a skill, a method, of controlling anger by having good sense.
Anger is our enemy. We can win only when we know exactly who is the enemy. Let's debunk anger's identity to lead to happy life, by moving beyond the anger. What is anger? Anger is a normal human emotion or feeling. It is neither good nor bad. Everyone experiences anger, although not always in the same way. How people manage their anger can make the emotion either useful or harmful. Anger can range from annoyance to full-blown rage. Feeling angry involves both the body and the mind. Physical change prepares the body to act. The mind decides how the person will respond. Factors that influence how much anger affects a person include sex, race, cultural background, family background, self-esteem, and age. Even in the Bible, the first misery of human history is driven by Cain's jealousy when he got angry at his brother, Abel. There is no difference now, almost prisoners' criminal background is their anger. Many firearm accidents and events which occupy headline of news are caused by failing criminals anger management.
A second factor is anger styles. People manage anger using one of three main styles and some people use a combination of styles. People with passive anger hold anger in. These people may believe that anger is a sign of weakness and think that polite, sensible people do not get angry. They may fear that showing anger will cause others to reject them and want to avoid conflict. A passive anger style keeps the peace, but at great personal cost. This can lead to loss of self-esteem, poor relationships, and long-term health problems. The next style, people with aggressive anger, overreact to anger. They may yell, slam doors, break objects, and name-call. They may even shove, pinch, bite, and hit, so they may become enraged easily. Aggressive anger usually comes and goes quickly, but does not solve problems. This can lead to loss of respect from others, broken relationships, and long-term health problems. The last style, people with assertive anger, express anger without hurting themselves or others. They assert, or stick up for, themselves without putting the other person on the defensive. They explain why they are angry, and they try to understand the other person's point of view. They attempt to use anger to solve problems. Which way is yours, and which way do you want to be used? There is the person who always get mad because of some reason and there is the person who never gets angry even when there is some reason to get mad.
A third factor is anger triggers. Anger triggers are events or situations that set off anger and vary from person to person. Types of anger triggers include physical or emotional hurts, frustrations, injustices, and annoyances. Examples of physical hurts include getting hit, slapped, poked, grabbed, shoved, or kicked. Examples of emotional hurts include insults, name-calling, teasing, put-downs, and rejection. Frustrations occur when you can't reach a goal or do something the way you want and other people may oppose your efforts. An injustice is an act or situation that is unfair or that threatens someone's rights. Annoyances are the everyday things that can upset you. Anger triggers provoke uncomfortable feelings such as powerlessness and fear. One of the best ways to control anger is to change negative and irrational, or unreasonable, thinking. Others are avoiding the trigger, planning ahead, finding alternative solutions, changing the timing, and learning to ignore the trigger. Thinking about why something triggers your anger is helpful. Not everyone gets upset about the same things, and it may become different even when you count for only thirty seconds.
A forth factor is putting out the fire. Several methods can be used to keep feelings under control. One important method is to admit your anger. Both the body and mind send signals warning of anger; a pounding heart, tight muscles, burning cheeks, a nervous stomach, or loud voice. It also is important to calm down before saying or doing anything. Breathe in deeply, count numbers, or do an activity that will make you less tense; exercising, listening to music, or cleaning your room can help you release anger in a physical, nonviolent way. Acting in the heat of anger can lead you to hurt or embarrass yourself or others. Techniques to relax and activities to make you less tense can reduce anger, and it is easier to deal with a problem when you are calm. Good communication skills are needed to solve problems. Solving the problem often involves talking with another person.
A fifth factor is talking it out. Talking about anger arising from relationships with family members, friends, and classmates can help solve the problem. Successful communication requires thought and skill. Instead of focusing on placing blame, work on solutions for the future. Helpful techniques include statements, active listening, and paying attention to body language. Your body language and tone of voice should convey respect for the other person. Stick to the issue and avoid overgeneralization. Mediators can help in some conflicts and talking with a trusted adult also can help. A third party who is not involved a parent, counselor, teacher, spiritual adviser, or other trusted adult, can be a good advisers.
A sixth factor is adding fuel to the fire. Good health habits are part of anger management. People who feel good physically and mentally can handle problems better than people who are tired and stressed. Stress and mood-altering substances make people more likely to have angry feelings and thoughts. Reducing stress helps control anger. People might use tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs to control or deny their anger. These substances often make angry feelings worse because their effect is only temporary and the drugs have the opposite effect after the desired effect is gone. Alcohol and street drugs also can provoke angry responses.
Seventh, it is bringing in the bomb squad. Some people's anger goes beyond normal. It continues for a long time and is felt deeply, and usually it is destructive. Some people with out-of-control anger turn anger inward and they become withdrawn, hopeless, and despairing. Other people with out-of-control anger turn their anger outward and they are likely to destroy property or threaten others. Causes of excessive, chronic anger include physical and emotional abuse, a traumatic experience, and physical or emotional illness. Teens with out-of-control anger may withdraw, act out, or seem agitated. People who can no longer manage their anger need the help of mental health professionals. Anger management is not get accomplished in a day. It required practice with much time and mistakes as learning a new sport. But we should never give up because the anger killing us gradually.
♣ The seven truths about the anger ♣
[1] The people who get angry easily will be discharged and quit their job easily too. Also they have a tendency to change from job to job.
[2] The kids who get angry easily will give up their studies, and it will be hard to succeed as a result.
[3] The people who feel anger intensely have 65% higher rate to smoking compared to people who don't.
[4] Girl students who can not express their anger properly have a tendency toward obesity, according to research of the University of Texas.
[5] The people who feel anger intensely have three times higher probability of suffering a heart attack and stricture of the heart.
[6] The people who feel anger intensely have two times higher probability of stroke.
[7] 67% of the people who seldom get angry wake up in the morning in a pleasant mood. but on the other hand only 33% of the people who often get angry wake up in the morning in a pleasant mood.
Do you want to be a slave of anger, or do you want to be a king controlling anger? You have the right to be happy every moment by identifying and controlling the anger which blocks the way to happiness.
[Reference]
* Peacock, J. (2000). Anger Management, Capstone Press.
* Cox, D., Bruckner, K. H., & Stabb, S. (2003). The Anger Advantage. Broadway Books Press.
* Peurifoy, R. Z. (1999). Anger Taming The Beast. Kodansha America, Inc. Press.
* 전겸구 (2007) 똑똑하게 화를 다스리는 법. 21세기북스.
:Juhn, Kyumkoo. (2007) A Method of Control Anger Smartly. 21 Century Books Press in Korea.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wolran Kim, Speech Material, Apr 2010
Anger Beliefs Quiz
Reference: Cox, D., Bruckner, K. H., & Stabb, S. (2003). The Anger Advantage. (pp.12-13) Broadway Books Press
Rate each of the following statements as to how true it is for YOU.
(1=rarely true; 5=almost always true)
1. Anger is basically under sirable. 1 2 3 4 5
2. Anger leads to harmful or criminal behaviors. 1 2 3 4 5
3. Anger compromises my well-being. 1 2 3 4 5
4. Anger usually hurts someone. 1 2 3 4 5
5. If you let it out, anger typically leads to more anger. 1 2 3 4 5
6. There is no good way to show anger to someone else. 1 2 3 4 5
7. There is probably something wrong with a person who gets angry very often. 1 2 3 4 5
8. Getting angry keeps others from taking you seriously. 1 2 3 4 5
9. Getting angry makes you look unattractive. 1 2 3 4 5
10. Getting angry ruins relationships. 1 2 3 4 5
11. It is usually best to avoid others who appear angry. 1 2 3 4 5
12. Holding in your anger makes for better relationships in the long run. 1 2 3 4 5
13. If you're angry quite a bit, it's likely that you have an emotional problem. 1 2 3 4 5
14. Anger should be avoided. 1 2 3 4 5
15. It's better to stifle your anger than to disrupt things. 1 2 3 4 5
16. Anger can be avoided if you work at it. 1 2 3 4 5
17. Getting angry and speaking your mind is unfeminine. 1 2 3 4 5
18. Showing anger means you are weak. 1 2 3 4 5
19. Anger makes a person think less clearly. 1 2 3 4 5
20. If you get angry, you just end up sabotaging yourself in the end. 1 2 3 4 5
21. You can't be all that helpful to anyone when you are angry. 1 2 3 4 5
22. Thinking is a better way to make decisions than feeling. 1 2 3 4 5
--------------------------------------------------------
SCORES : Total your responses by adding scores for 1 through 22.
22-44 : You have a fairly realistic view of anger most of the time and express it in heathy ways.
45-87 : You're uncertain about anger, seeing both some positives and some negatives. You're in a good position to question or explore anger dynamics and myths to make room for a more productive style.
88-110 : You believe many unfortunate societal myths about anger. You would probably benefit from an intensive look at anger's potential benefits in your life.